Law Office of Carol Ryder and Associates

  • This is being written August 2015. If it is being published before becoming complete, please accept our apologies but we wanted to make sure people get the help they need, maybe some answers, without waiting until Monday, and many attorneys are not working or have reduced hours. We are here-you can call (631) 386-6903 or (516) 512-8941 and/or reach Carol Ryder directly, 7 days a week, without calling the office numbers by calling (631) 848-1204.  

It is no surprise that searches for divorce, custody, child custody, family law,separation, separation agreements, legal separation, irreconcilable differences, pet custody, dysfunctional family,even hate spouse, etc. surge right after the holidays. The New York Times posted a very helpful article on this but it is plain old common sense anyway. Please be aware that your feelings are NOT anyone's fault, or feel guilty, or for you to feel anything else but stoic. Now is the time many people re-evaluate their connections with others, including spouses. We want to help provide some guidance through the process of severing your legal ties to your spouse, something that if you are even thinking about, you should start taking proper steps to do as easily on everyone as possible, especially, for the kids and you, our client, potentially. Hyper-links to some helpful articles are provided as well.

Culturally, we don't think it's a stretch that Americans prefer to be together with family around the holidays. And thanks to depressing radio classics like "Its a Wonderful Life" and shows like "I'll Be Home for Christmas," we often feel guilty if we are not with family. However, when we all finally get together for the holidays, sometimes we realize why we were apart in the first place.

According to the New York Times, searches for "dysfunctional family" hit their highest point annually around Christmas, and searches with "hate [insert family member you hate]" also increase. And although Google searches for "divorce" decrease in the days approaching Christmas, maybe unhappy couples are just putting off the inevitable, burying feelings so as not to make Christmas even more unhappy, pretend to everyone that everything is jolly, and/or to spare the kids from an unhappy parent. However, please consider that for the  next holiday season, you can be happy and divorced, maybe not before Valentine's Day, although we can get Stipulations (also known as settlement agreements) written up which can give you more peace. Then you can put on that bathing suit for Memorial Day, divorced and happy.

Tips for a Happy Divorced Holiday

You might not think it's possible now, but there are several ways to have a "happy" divorce, including not making the holiday season a minefield of ex-spousal anger and angst. Please remember the following tips:

  • The holidays should be about family. If you share children, and/or pets, with your spouse or ex-spouse, this means sharing your family. Making Christmas the backdrop of emotional or legal battles with your spouse or ex-spouse is not only Grinchy but is also pretty selfish. You can ruin everyone's Christmas, and remember that many people caught in the fall-out are innocent victims.
  • Plan ahead as much as possible. Once you've untied the knot, you'll need to figure out in advance who is going to be where on the holidays. Not waiting until the last minute will reduce some of your holiday stress and allow you to modify any child custody plans. Things happen that you may not have planned for BUT you can certainly work to minimize heart-wrenching surprises.
  • Be proactive about your divorce. This may mean pushing for change even when your spouse doesn't feel like it. There's never a perfect time for a divorce, and being passive until your spouse is ready won't protect your interests.

And if you're still searching for a divorce attorney, find someone local who will give free consultations. Our firm can provide free consultations, even on weekends, evenings, and can do some phone consultations where you need some answers NOW but can't get to one of our offices (Garden City as well as Suffolk).  We know this is very difficult but we strive to take some of the burden off by trying to accommodate your schedule.

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